a gift to myself…

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I gifted myself a vision quest for my birthday–an experience that I have been dreaming of for as long as I can remember.

A woman always knows! She knows when she has nothing left to give in the state that she is in, she knows when she has lost something, she knows with extreme conviction that she must dig deep within herself and into the earth to find what she has lost, she knows she needs to die, she knows she needs to be brought back to life….and she knows that it is only she who carries the key.

I’m staying in a cabin on the Frio River, 3 and a half hours away from home, right in the middle of the beautiful Texas hill country. No bra, no phone, no fear! This is the first day of the rest of my life! When you are paying good money for your time, you use it wisely, you savor it, you appreciate every single second as precious and sacred. Epiphany #17 since I left Austin’s city limits yesterday afternoon: “You must learn to live this way, every day, and teach others to do the same.” I share this epiphany with you the same exact way that I received it–a message from the earth, the great spirit of the hills, the trees and the river…

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I brought: 2 bathing suits, 3 dresses, 8 books, 2 canvases, paint,  journal, 3 pens, a highlighter, coconut yogurt, granola, rice and veggies, two grapefruits, sage, incense, candles, Dr. Bronner’s lavender soap, toothbrush, 2 bottles of water, 6 lemons, tarot cards, 4 small pieces of dark chocolate, coconut oil and a bottle of red wine.

The very first creature to grace me with its presence this morning was this beautiful, bright green lizard. Lizard carries the message of learning to be still with awareness, accessing your higher self,  and discerned detachment–the ability to detach from emotions and situations. Perfect! Thank you, lizard! 😉

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I have come to this beautiful river to heal; to cry, to swim, to breathe, to take naps, to hike, to write, to let some things go, to forgive, to walk barefoot, to believe again–in god, in myself, my power and my dreams.

Today is the day that this blog takes on a whole new life. This woman no longer hides behind things. This woman no longer needs permission to speak her truth. This woman hopes that you love what she has to say but no longer needs your praise or your opinion. This woman is wild again!



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