Women Who Run With the Wolves

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“Yet it is these fleeting tastes which come both through beauty as well as loss, that cause us to become so bereft, so agitated, so longing that we eventually must pursue the wildish nature. Then we leap into the forest or into the desert or into the snow and run hard, our eyes scanning the ground, our hearing sharply tuned, searching under, searching over, searching for a clue, a remnant, a sign that she still lives, that we have not lost our chance. And when we pick up her trail, it is typical of women to ride hard to catch up, to clear off the desk, clear off the relationship, clear out one’s mind, turn to a new page, insist on a break, break the rules, stop the world, for we are not going on without her any longer.

Once women have lost her and then found her again, they will contend to keep her for good. Once they have regained her, they will fight and fight hard to keep her, for with her their creative lives blossom; their relationships gain meaning and depth and health; their cycles of sexuality, creativity, work, and play are re-established; they are no longer marks for the predations of others; they are entitled equally under the laws of nature to grow and to thrive. Now their end-of-the-day fatigue comes from satisfying work and endeavors, not from being shut up in too small a mind-set job, or relationship. They know instinctively when things must die and when things must live; they know how to walk away, they know how to stay.”

~Clarissa Pinkola Estes, Women Who Run With the Wolves

I brought 8 books with me on this trip but this is the one that I cannot put down. This is the new source of my inspiration–a book that has been sitting on my bookshelf for three years, patiently waiting to guide me to my wild self–my true self.

There are so  many different names and stories for her and about her,The Goddess, The Divine Feminine, Gaia, Isis, The Wild Woman. Call her what you want…treat her right, nurture her every single chance that you get, and you will not be sorry! We have been living in her absence for entirely too long. Shhh’ing her down into the caverns, the cracks, the holes….

Starving women are like starving wolves, they appear to be monsters, ravenous and cruel.



a gift to myself…

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I gifted myself a vision quest for my birthday–an experience that I have been dreaming of for as long as I can remember.

A woman always knows! She knows when she has nothing left to give in the state that she is in, she knows when she has lost something, she knows with extreme conviction that she must dig deep within herself and into the earth to find what she has lost, she knows she needs to die, she knows she needs to be brought back to life….and she knows that it is only she who carries the key.

I’m staying in a cabin on the Frio River, 3 and a half hours away from home, right in the middle of the beautiful Texas hill country. No bra, no phone, no fear! This is the first day of the rest of my life! When you are paying good money for your time, you use it wisely, you savor it, you appreciate every single second as precious and sacred. Epiphany #17 since I left Austin’s city limits yesterday afternoon: “You must learn to live this way, every day, and teach others to do the same.” I share this epiphany with you the same exact way that I received it–a message from the earth, the great spirit of the hills, the trees and the river…

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I brought: 2 bathing suits, 3 dresses, 8 books, 2 canvases, paint,  journal, 3 pens, a highlighter, coconut yogurt, granola, rice and veggies, two grapefruits, sage, incense, candles, Dr. Bronner’s lavender soap, toothbrush, 2 bottles of water, 6 lemons, tarot cards, 4 small pieces of dark chocolate, coconut oil and a bottle of red wine.

The very first creature to grace me with its presence this morning was this beautiful, bright green lizard. Lizard carries the message of learning to be still with awareness, accessing your higher self,  and discerned detachment–the ability to detach from emotions and situations. Perfect! Thank you, lizard! 😉

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I have come to this beautiful river to heal; to cry, to swim, to breathe, to take naps, to hike, to write, to let some things go, to forgive, to walk barefoot, to believe again–in god, in myself, my power and my dreams.

Today is the day that this blog takes on a whole new life. This woman no longer hides behind things. This woman no longer needs permission to speak her truth. This woman hopes that you love what she has to say but no longer needs your praise or your opinion. This woman is wild again!



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